So many lessons, so little time
A few months ago was our one year anniversary to moving to California. I still clearly remember all the raw emotions and thoughts I faced as we were getting ready to make the biggest decision of my life as an adult. My mood constantly shifted from fear to excitement, curiosity to anxiety, joy to grief. I didn’t know what was ahead, but I knew it would change our lives forever.
I chuckle to think about an event that I could travel trough time and talk to myself at that point in my life. What would I say? Maybe I would tell myself that it wasn’t going to be as bad as I thought. I was going to make great memories, make new friends, and learn so much! Of course, I would make sure to say there was certainly going to be a hard road ahead, but that it would be so worth it in the end! I, obviously, wouldn’t want to scare myself. I suppose it works in my favor I don’t have access to a time traveling machine.
Nothing could have prepared me with the way last year unfolded. If I could pick one thing that surprised me the most, it would be the change that occurred inside me. I have learned so much about myself and God from my experiences here.
For one thing – “Never” is a completely hilarious term for me now! I slapped that word on everything. It was as if God took all the things I swore I’d never do, and actually made me do them! Not only did I have to do them, but I actually found myself enjoying them. Well, some of them. For example – I never had any desire to go camping with all three kids, but we couldn’t afford to travel unless we did. Camping is now one of my favorite things to do with the kids, and the kids love it just as much as I do!
I find myself braver and more willing to except whatever God lays before now that “never” is a laughable term. It is amazing how much power and control that little word can have over my life.
I am going through Matthew in my Bible study and I was struck at how Matthew 17 reflected my personal life. The disciples, at this point had seen several miracles and knew Jesus very intimately. In verse 14 a father is begging for Jesus to heal his son because the disciples couldn’t do it. I have no idea the tone of voice Jesus had, or His thoughts and emotions behind it all, but He healed the boy.
Once the disciples see He does what they could not, the ask why they were not able to.
“Because of your faith.” Jesus says. ” if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
I have surely seen this in my own life. In every experience that has been hard or terrifying I have always seen Him use those circumstances to change me and make me grow. Even in the smallest faith – I have seen mountains moved! Though most of the mountains, were mountains inside of me.
As we start year two of this bizarre experience I NEVER thought would happen, I am ironically faced with more mountains. I am sure- like the disciples – I will often fail and learn, but I am choosing to have faith that God will continue to move the mountains inside of me.